The Last Stand
by FlawlessPrincess21
Summary: What happens when Edward and Bella spend one last night together? rated m for super spiciness.


Edward stroked his hand through Bella's hair. A flurry of dandruff fell from her greasy head.

"Bella, you disgusting pig. When is the last time you took a shower?" Edward asked, wiping his hand on the couch. Bella sighed. A cloud of putrid breath escaped her lips.

"Since the way I smell is the only reason you love me, I'm too afraid to shower. I have a dull personality and I'm not pretty or anything. The way I smell is the only thing keeping us together!" Bella whined. Edward shook his head in disgust.

"No. That is not the only reason I love you," Edward stared at her intently with his golden eyes, "I actually don't love you at all. I'm just trying to figure out a way to kill you, but still make it look like an accident. Your retarded ass went around telling everyone that I was your boyfriend, so if you go missing, I'll be the one that gets blamed. I'll probably just leave you for a while and you'll commit suicide because you're a pathetic human being who is so insecure that she can't stand the fact that a boy she met like a week ago left her," Edward pondered the thought as he spoke. Bella was so disgusting, but her blood smelled like sugar and he wanted to try some.

"I'm diabetic. That's probably why you think I smell so good," Bella said as she picked up a hand mirror and inspected all of the cavities in her mouth. "Hey, do you think that I should get these cavities checked out? I have, like, holes in my teeth. Plus last night, I coughed up one of my molars," Bella held her grotesque mouth wide open so that Edward could see. Edward looked away in disgust.

"Close your mouth, rat. I don't feel like puking my guts out tonight," Edward shoved her face away roughly. Bella rolled her eyes in a playful manner.

"I love that pet name you call me! _Rat_. We're like the perfect couple!" Bella held her hand to her heart.

"RAT is not a pet name. It is the name of your species. You are a rat. You look like you just had a long day in the sewers," Edward snapped at her. Bella pouted at him and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Why don't you ever hold my hand in public?" Bella asked.

"Because your hands smell like aged cheese!" Edward answered swiftly. Bella sniffed her hand.

"That's weird. I haven't had cheese in such a long time," Bella's lazy eye drifted slowly to the side as she tried to figure out her strange body odors.

"Uhhh...your eye...it's...uhm...your eye is doing that thing," Edward said awkwardly, staring at her.

"My eyes? You think they're beautiful?" Bella asked hopefully. Edward stared at her in shock.

"I actually don't find anything about you beautiful. I can literally see lice eggs in your scalp. You need to visit a doctor," Edward took a step away from her. Bella laughed.

"Eddy! You're so funny," She laughed.

"No I don't lice funny,' Edward said. Bella continued laughing so hard that she started coughing. A glob of her phlegm landed right on the corner of Edward's eye. Edward starting twitching, trying to hold his rage in. He wanted to dropkick her straight out of the window. Instead, he controlled himself and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"Ohh dear Lord, Please help me not kill this nasty basic bitch. She just spit on me and it smells a prostitute's dildo," Edward calmly got a tissue and cleaned his face off.

"Edward. I'm sorry!" Bella pleaded with him. He just shook his head.

"I don't even want your diabetic blood anymore. You are so gross, you belong in jail. It should be illegal to be as disgusting as you are. You are a threat to the public because of how foul you are," Edward turned to leave.

"NOOOO! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! I'LL HAVE TO KILL MYSELF!" Bella screeched, her mouth started frothing.

"Stay back! Stay away from me and my family! Don't you dare try emailing Alice or anyone else in my family! It's pathetic! You are like a leech! You attach yourself to people who hate you and refuse to let go! YOU ARE A PARASITE! THE DEFINITION OF A PARASITE IS SOMETHING THAT ATTACHES ITSELF TO SOMETHING FOR IT'S OWN FUCKING BENEFIT AND HURTS THE THING THAT IT ATTACHES ITSELF TO! YOU CAUSED SO MANY DEATHS HERE IN FORKS BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING SELFISH YOU ARE! YOU CAUSED A FUCKING WAR BETWEEN THE VOLTARI AND THE VAMPRIES AND WEREWOLVES BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T FUCKING LET GO OF ME! YOU HURT EVERYONE AND YOU INTRUDED UPON MY FAMILY! FUCK OFF!" Edward punched Bella so hard that her head spun around. Her ugly face was now backwards. "Good. Now you can't scare people with your nasty pale face when you walk up to them," Edward left her room. Bella threw up from shock. She started eating her puke like a pig. Yes pig, eat. Eat your sorrows away. Bella lived happily ever after in the swamps of Guam, starting her own tribe of river rats. Some say that even today, you can here her rat calls in the dark nights of the swamp.


End file.
